Autism Acceptance Day

About ten years ago, my husband and I had traveled to Ohio for a wedding while leaving our son (who was one at the time) with his sister and her boyfriend at our home in Lansing.   It was a rare opportunity for some adult time, literally the first time since he was born, and we were excited for our weekend getaway.  After driving almost four hours to where the ceremony was to be held, we found the white church with a white picket fence on a dirt road in the middle of no where a la horror movie style. There were no hills or trees to run behind if a murderer was chasing you, it was all flat as far as you could see.  We found our seats on the bride's side and I anxiously waited to see my friends, two of which were bridesmaids, to walk down the aisle.  The music began and I turned to see the wedding party walking down the aisle.  There was a lot of purple.  There was a lot of eyeshadow.  I was not impressed. 

Normally in this situation you would not say anything.  But not me.  I was a rude, obnoxious, and conceited person and I had to ask why all the purple?  I told them how awful it looked.  I tried to convince them I was right and they were wrong.  I don't know how I had any friends.  Ever.  This was the single most embarrassing thing I've ever done and to this day I still don't know how I kept those friends. 

When I was diagnosed at 27 with Asperger's syndrome (a form of autism) and two years later found ASPPIRE, who helped me with the social coaching I badly needed, I understood what happened.  I was always too proud to admit that I had a problem but today I can admit that I struggle with theory of mind.  Theory of mind is the ability to attribute mental states — beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc. — to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives that are different from one's own.  Just knowing that, I have been able to have a new perspective and proactively stop myself from saying things that are rude and obnoxious...most of the time.  I did say I still struggle, after all. 

Now, I just want to take a moment and thank those who have helped me get this far in life.

First and foremost ASPPIRE.  For without them I wouldn't have the rest of this list.  It's truly AMAZING what knowledge can do to change your life.

My friends in Bay City, who put up with a lot of my crap for a very long time.  I was rude and selfish and you still stayed by my side.  I'm sure if I stayed on the path that I was on I would probably have lost you by now.  I probably would not have had the courage to do half of what I have done without you:  Especially you Stacey Bourcier, who I still talk to every day!

My church family at Holt Lutheran.  Especially Kerri Henry and Ilona Harns who were two of my first friends and encouraged me to attend church and join organizations like the LWML and the PTO.

My friends with autism and/or social anxiety I have met both through and outside of ASPPIRE on my own.  Way too many to name, and I don't want to out you on facebook if you don't want people knowing you have those problems. 

The school and staff at Holt Lutheran who have made parenting with autism so much easier for me.  I don't think without their support and constant communication I could as effectively support my children.  You are their mom for 40 hours a week. 

My own family who have slowly come around to accept who I am and why I do what I do.  It's not easy admitting to others who would call this invisible disorder an excuse or scapegoat. 

My friends who constantly support me to be a better self:  Stacey, Kady, and Erin.  You guys are the best!  You don't know what your friendships mean.