What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate

I had graduated high school the previous spring and began attending college courses at the neighboring community college after my morning shifts at Sears.  One of my first college courses was in psychology (the field I planned to pursue) and I was vain with the knowledge I received, and eager to repeat it at every opportunity.  My freshman psychology professor claimed to know a rational psychological explanation to homosexuality that I found fascinating and was eager to share.  I don’t recall the details now (I switched to the mathematics field in my sophomore year) but at the time I was able to repeat the theory verbatim to several lucky listeners.

Working at Sears in the way early hours of the day provided a lot of idle time away from management eyes and ears.  My coworkers would spend time in between tasks, sometimes for hours at a time, just standing around talking about whatever was on their minds. Sometimes I would attempt to join in the conversation to get out of working (especially when my boss could be roped into an inane hour-long conversation about nothing that had to do with work at all).  What I didn’t know is that when you’re 18, the only way you’re going to learn about subjects you should and subjects you should not talk about in the workplace is the wrong way.

Jennifer was good friends with Tonya, who was admittedly gay.  I happened upon a conversation between her (Jennifer) and another employee which was of a religious nature.  Her expressed views on homosexuality overtly conflicted with the friendship they appeared to have and I blurted out, ‘but you’re friends with Tonya, how can you say that?!’.  I should have walked away from that conversation instead of thinking it was necessary to prove to her that she was acting deceitful.  Luckily my superior intellect wouldn’t fail me as I would attempt to convince her she was wrong using my professor’s vast knowledge on homosexuality.

Suffice to say I landed myself in the store manager’s office.  I don’t think I made eye contact once with that man, or even spoke once without stuttering during that meeting, yet I was somehow able to keep my job.

That was probably my worst social experience in my entire life.  I ended up losing two friendships (Jennifer had told Tonya I thought she had a chemical imbalance which made her gay but conveniently left out that she thought she was going to hell for the same reason) and I felt utterly defeated.  It took me a long time and many, many communications courses to move on from that failure.  I was afraid to put myself out there and try to talk to anyone for any reason work-related or not.  Luckily I could absorb myself in my work (I worked alone 90% of the time) and avoid my coworkers.