Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Making Friends

It's kinda like dating. A few folks I've met in my kids' school I've found on facebook and added as a means to speed up the "friending process". It seems like a sheepish, and easy way to find out if you have anything in common, or as a way of warning a potential friend about my social shortcomings so that they might be more patient with me. I give verbal warnings as well, but I feel like I'm constantly clutching my disability as an excuse and it might get on people's nerves. But it's all new to me too, especially the part of me claiming the label, thus adding even more to the awkwardness of it all.

Unfortunately, I feel for many the window of opportunity has passed for moving things to another level, like there is an expiration to escalating such friendships. If I don't move things to a new level after a few months, then I've lost the opportunity I think. I've lost a few opportunities this way because I get intimidated...unfortunately knowing me, it can take a year or more (usually more) to get to any kind of comfort zone to socialize outside of structured settings.

And then there's the disclaimers. Being friends will mean limited eye contact and conversation because of the inability to do both at the same time or process sensory stimuli properly...limited social abilities and seemingly rude and empathetic responses...quirks that will embarrass you....

It's too bad when I say off the wall stuff without having these disclaimers available for others. Nobody's perfect, right?

2 comments:

  1. I wouldn't feel sheepish about the FB thing....I think it makes it easier to get a friendship thing going too...so hard to chat when picking up kids!

    I think advising your autism is a good idea, makes people aware of the reasons for some of your "quirks" and then everyone can accept and move on....I don't have autism and I have quirks, we are all works in progress!

    Brave girl!

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  2. This information is so valuable. Well written. Could not have done it better myself!

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